Last night I had one of those free “discovery sessions” that coaches sometimes offer to get to know prospective clients.
I wasn’t searching for a coach. I already know who my “ideal” coaches are and the only reason I’m not working with them at this moment is because I don’t have the money for it.
However, I signed up for this session with this unknown person because it was free and the coach promised to tell you what you were doing wrong with your business and to give you advice as to what you needed to be doing instead, during her free session.
And that was the sort of advice I could really use! So I signed up for a free session with her.
Anyways, I do have to say that…… well, you could call it an “educational experience”. A learning experience.
However, I did not enjoy the conversation with her.
I’ve learnt that I process and understand information and experiences best by WRITING about them. That’s why I write so many blog posts, I think, hehe.
Some people (a lot of people?) process information and experiences best by TALKING about them. Especially women. Which is why when something happens to them, they NEED to chat about it with their besties.
But I’m one of those people who needs to write about things in order to understand what is going on. Hence this blog post.
Well, I think I’ll start by just listing the positive things that I did take away from our session, and the useful things I learnt from it, first.
And then I’ll rant and gripe haha!
I learnt quite a lot about myself from our short half hour together.
I discovered that when I don’t trust someone, I’ll just CLAM up tight in front of them, like a clam, and you won’t get a peep out of me.
I’ll even lie to the person, if I don’t trust them.
And if you are with a person that you feel like you have to lie to them, because you don’t trust them, it’s clear that it’s someone that you CAN’T and SHOULDN’T work with!
Especially if YOU’RE the one who would be hiring them and would have to pay them!
No. If you’re going to hire someone and pay them, at the very least it ought to be someone that you can trust. So it’s quite clear from the outset that this particular coach is someone I would never choose to work with!
But having said that, I still did learn some useful things from her.
One of the things I discovered is how extremely sensitive I am to people.
I’ve always known that. That’s why my original website is devoted most especially to helping people who are “hyper sensitive”. That is, who are psychic empaths.
I can read a person in one instant. After meeting a person, in a flash, I can immediately know all that I need to know about that person:
- what makes them tick
- what their personal style is
- what kind of person they are
- whether or not I can trust them
- and most importantly, whether it’s a person I would be able to get along with and work well with, or not
So, yesterday, I don’t think we had been talking for even five minutes before I already realized that this was a person that I simply could not trust and that I wouldn’t get along with.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying she was an awful person. On the contrary, she was nice and friendly.
But I could tell immediately that she was a person that I, at least, couldn’t trust.
And when I don’t trust someone, I just can’t talk to them or tell them the truth.
You know how, when you were a little kid, if you met a big, dark, scary Bad Man out on the street in the middle of the night and he asked you where you lived, you would not tell him where you lived? And if he pressured you, you’d lie to him about where you lived.
So I started lying to her. I just couldn’t help it. When I don’t trust someone, I lie to them.
I always know, immediately, whether I can trust a person or not. Whether we would get along or not.
With my last coach, that as I said before the only reason I’m not working with her now is because I can’t afford it, I knew within an instant that I would love her and that we would get along great.
And that is just exactly what happened. She is incredible! And if I had the money, I’d still be working with her.
But as I was saying, with the coach that I was talking to last night, I knew right away that I wouldn’t get along with her and that I couldn’t trust her. So I started lying to her.
And unfortunately, when you feel like you have to lie to someone, things can’t help but go downhill from there.
Another thing I learnt from our session is that I just can’t stand pushy, aggressive, salesy types who talk a mile a minute!
I just can’t.
When someone starts talking like a high velocity train, I just can’t help but tune out. What they say to me starts to just go in one ear and out the other. Because I can’t process information that quickly.
Now, it’s not a person’s fault if they act that way. That’s just the way they are, by nature. There’s nothing wrong with people who are like this, or with being this way.
It’s just simply that it’s a style that is very difficult for me, personally, to work with. Because I’m an extremely introverted type. And I’m very deep. So I need time to reflect over things in order to understand them.
Anyways, so this coach started bombarding me with all sorts of questions. I felt like she was giving me the third degree.
I know that wasn’t her intention. I know she was just interested in getting to know me better. But I suppose it was just her style, her way of doing this, that got to me.
So I simply couldn’t answer her truthfully.
I also discovered that if a person needs to know every single detail of the plans that I have for the next 50 years of my life, then I’d better steer clear from that person.
Especially if that person thinks that, if I can’t tell her those details one by one and in living technicolor, then there must be something wrong with me.
I must be a wishy-washy type. Or I’m not serious. Or I’m just plain lazy. Or I’ve got my head in the clouds.
In fact, the truth is, I’m a very spontaneous type. And I’m also a type of person who wants to be guided – A LOT – by Spirit.
And Spirit isn’t going to tell you his plans for you for the next 50 years of your life in living colour and painstaking detail!
On the contrary, Spirit usually tells you what you’re supposed to do, well, more or less in the very instant that you’re supposed to do it, and not a second earlier!
That doesn’t mean that I don’t have plans. Or that I believe that there is no value in plans and making plans.
I do make plans. And I do believe that this is important.
However, I have a very flexible, open-ended attitude towards plans.
The way I see it, I do make plans, but I am always open, in every moment, to changing them on the spot, if Spirit directs me to do so, or leads me in a different direction.
If nothing happens, and I don’t get any guidance to the contrary, then I do follow the plans that I make, and go about ticking things off the to-do list one by one.
But if I get a tip-off from Spirit that I should do something else instead, or I should do things in a different order, immediately I get to work following Spirit’s guidelines.
Because whose authority would you trust in more? That of a human person? Or G-d’s?
So I think I don’t get along well with people who don’t put G-d first in their business model or in their plans.
Or who don’t put G-d at all in their business or plans, haha!
Anyways, this very bustling military type that I was talking with last night, well, to me, at least, she struck me as rather a nay-sayer. And I don’t enjoy working with nay-sayers.
Now, I’m not saying that I have the fanciful belief that if you want something, all you have to do is wave a magic wand and it will fall into your lap.
As I said in this post on Law of Attraction, I know that if you want something, you DO have to DO THINGS to make it happen. You DO have to DO THE WORK.
But I’m one of those people who feel that, if you do DO THE WORK, then you can accomplish anything. Anything is possible for you.
But this lady didn’t agree with me. She had some very definite ideas about what she thought was possible, and what she thought was not possible, on G-d’s green earth.
And one of the things that she thought was not possible, was for me to have a viable business. The reason being that, according to her, I didn’t know how to do anything.
She thought that I just simply didn’t have anything of value to teach the world or to share with the world.
She thought that, even though I’m a single mother who is making it keeping my kids alive and well and happy, who has learnt how to survive and get ahead even when things get tough, like when you are a single mother with no one to help you out, but still I’ve learnt how to pay all the bills and put food on the table even in these circumstances, well, still I didn’t know anything and I had nothing of value to offer the world.
She claimed that I just didn’t have any skills, knowledge or expertise that people would pay me for.
For example, I told her that I like writing.
She asked for proof.
I told her that I had written over 70 articles, which you can read on my website, Seas Of Mintaka, 2 e-books and that I have a couple of blogs as well.
She said that that didn’t prove a thing. That anyone could write articles or blogs, and that that didn’t mean that I was any good at writing. That for all you knew, maybe I was a TERRIBLE writer.
Because having a website with lots of articles isn’t going to make you a good writer.
According to her, THE ONLY KIND OF WRITING THAT COUNTS is COPYWRITING.
Writing sales copy.
A GOOD writer knows how to write sales copy. A bad writer, or a bad business person, doesn’t. And it’s as simple as that.
She said, and I quote verbatim: “NO ONE can make a living from writing, unless they are a copywriter. The ONLY kind of writing that sells is COPYWRITING. If you are a good copywriter, then people can hire you to write sales copy for them, and you can make a good living from that. If not, you will never make any money from writing. I have NEVER heard of a single person who was able to make a living from writing and selling books or e-books.”
At that point, of course, I was all ready to spout out the names of at least five people that I know who DO make their living purely from writing.
How about Jack Canfield? Or Jim Edwards? Or J.K. Rowling? Or Stephen King?
But I thought, with this close-minded person, what was the point?
So I didn’t say anything.
I also felt like she was a person who didn’t possess the capacity to be able to see the POTENTIAL or the POSITIVE aspects of a person.
For example, she didn’t say, what can you do? What do you know? What knowledge or expertise do you have? If you have had unique experiences, or have learnt any lessons in life, those are things that you can teach the world, and make money doing it.
All she said was, you don’t know how to do anything, you don’t have any useful knowledge or skills.
And as for being able to see the POTENTIAL in people, well, I dunno but I feel that’s quite an important quality for a coach to possess. And she clearly didn’t have it.
To give an example. When I see a beggar in the street, I don’t see “a beggar”. I feel curiosity about how that person got there, to be sure.
But I also see a person who COULD BE a LOT MORE than they are currently being by choosing to spend all their time sitting in the street and begging.
I see a person who has a lot of gifts, but maybe they just don’t know what these gifts are, and therefore they are not using these gifts or trying to develop them. Maybe they think they are worthless, and that is why they are sitting in the street begging instead of sitting at home trying to develop their gifts.
What I did take away from our meeting, on a positive note, was that it was very very urgent for me to learn to write sales copy, asap. That knowing how to write good sales copy is the most important thing in any business, and the only way to succeed in business is by knowing how to write good sales copy.
If you know how to write good sales copy, then everything else will come as a result of your good sales writing.
If you don’t, then you could have the best product in the whole wide world, but no one would know it, because since you don’t know how to sell it, no one would buy it.
So I think that’s quite a valuable lesson that I will take away with me from our short time together.
Another thing I have learnt:
RUN, don’t walk, as fast as you can away from people who try to tell you that you are NO GOOD.
That you have NO TALENTS.
That you don’t know how to do anything useful.
That you have nothing of worth or value to share with the world or to offer to the world.
Yes, they might know how to do some things that you don’t know how to do. And you can certainly take those lessons from them, and learn how to do those things that you don’t know how to do, and they do.
BUT DON’T EVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU THAT YOU’RE NOT SPECIAL.
THAT YOU ARE NO GOOD.
THAT YOU HAVE NO TALENTS.
That you have no value, or that you don’t know anything valuable or useful to the world.
Because where these people might only be able to see what IS at this moment, what you are being at this very moment in time, they can’t see WHAT YOU MIGHT ONE DAY BECOME.
Disclaimer: I’d like to add, just in case this person ever reads this blog post (which I doubt she ever would). But just in case that should ever happen, since I don’t want her (or anyone) to feel bad, then I will add this disclaimer here. And that is simply that, anything that I’ve expressed here in this post is purely a personal impression and personal opinions or my own point of view. I’m aware that other people would probably have completely different impressions, and if they had a relationship with this particular coach, I’m sure that the dynamics of their relationship would be very different from anything that could have transpired between her and ME. This blog post doesn’t in any way constitute a recommendation of any sort, and I feel that readers are free to choose for themselves the kinds of people, and coaches, that they would like to work with.
Scenes from a life:
I realize that on this blog I share mostly inner adventures and interior musings. But in fact, I really do have a life, too, haha! So when something of note happens in the outer world, I will sometimes (= very rarely, because I don’t have time) blog about it on my other blog, The Seas Of Mintaka.
So this photo was taken on a recent “adventure” that we undertook, and that you can read about here: Abandoned Sugar Refining Factory at El Tarajal, Malaga.